PlayStation Plus dashes my beautiful dreams, removes Deception IV from July's PS Plus offerings
"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For example, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down'. He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."
- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy
Look, I know that I might have been the only person in the universe that was excited for the inclusion of Deception IV: The Nightmare Princess for PS3 in this month's PlayStation Plus free games offering. I acknowledge that most folks have moved on from the PS3, and that Deception IV is a bit of a niche title.
But that does not change the fact that I was excited. Excited enough to write up this post, detailing the history of the Deception franchise and generally salivating all over the room. Excited enough to warm up my PS3 last week to make sure I had the current firmware installed. Excited enough to clear a day from my schedule to finally dig into this amazing classic game that I have always wanted to play.
But my excitement was not enough to prevent Sony from (metaphorically) kicking my crippled dog down the stairs and setting my dementia-ridden grandma on fire (again, metaphorically), and then standing back and laughing (metaphorically) while she flails around screaming, trying in vain to remember that water puts out fire, while the dog whimpers - bloody and broken - at the bottom of the stairs.
I'm not saying that Sony is evil. I'm just saying that they did a mean thing to me and I will never forgive them. I now put them in a special "unforgiven" category reserved for Kanye West and my second wife.
I got home from work a bit early today to take care of my sick baby (not metaphorically - true story). I figured that, being ill with a fever, my two-year-old son would enjoy sitting in my lap and watching while daddy set up a bunch of Rube Goldberg-like traps to violently torture people and rip out their souls for the devil. But NOOOOOO...
It seems that Sony has unceremoniously removed Deception IV from July's PS Plus offerings and replaced it with...
...2015's pixel-art platformer thing, Extreme Exorcism. Now, I'm sure that Extreme Exorcism is a fine game, but when you have your taste buds all set up to eat a nice juicy steak, and Sony promised you a nice juicy steak, so you trust Sony and you close your eyes and open your mouth really wide in anticipation of a nice juicy steak (and you are drooling a little bit), and Sony shoves a DEAD RACCOON CARCASS in your mouth without so much as a post announcing that "Steaks will now be replaced with dead raccoons", well then, you tend to get a bit irritated.
Not that I'm mad, or anything Sony. I'm sure that this dead raccoon carcass is delicious.
It's fine. We're fine.
