The Text Adventures That Never Were make me laugh because they're totally great

Awkwardly titled but entirely hilarious, The Text Adventures That Never Were is a PC Gamer series that converts modern-day games into the text adventures of yore. This Christopher Livingston guy handling the series carries comedy gold in his back pocket. He was moving along at a rapid clip. I hope he isn't already burned out. His opener was for Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag, and since that's a game I'm finally getting to, below is a snippet from his Black Flag text adventure parody. Then you can go check out all of Livingston's submissions because they're all funny. They're funny because they're true.